Sometimes they are sweet, very sweet, and then sometimes meaninglessly mean. Too much of a fluctuation and I am, more often than not, left clueless as to how to react.
Unexpected niceness is always a pleasantry but unexpected, out of place cruelty is scarring and disturbing.
Though I pretty much dislike maximum people I see (literally see!), I do not attribute that dislike to them but to me. I am simply not a people's person, and for good measure honestly. Yet with a such a hard screening process and scrutinising I wonder why or rather how some jerk manages to make his way through!
Which brings me back to what Fatass said, every human can only be defined by his flaws. Because then you know for sure what cannot be expected from him. Or rather what quality he simply does not possess.
Maybe I am just foolish enough to believe that the true colours of people are actually good. Being more of an optimist (really kills at times) than a pessimist, I found it hard to believe that people can be defined like that. I mean people are complex but not constant, they can change can't they? Isn't that the single defence we all use to define each other? We say 'I am sure it's just a one time thing', or maybe 'it was just a momentary madness' (like suicide) or 'they can change'..!
But you know what the hard core disturbing truth is? They don't. Never intend to and so never will.
Tell me honestly have you really seen anyone who has changed around you? I am talking constant, big time, not small habits. Have you actually truly ever seen someone with a roaring temper become super calm? (Don't confuse pre and post adolescence!) Or a full blown pessimist hoping for pleasant weather! Or a bitter sadist actually happy at someone else's achievement? I haven't. But I expect it. Because it is disturbing to accept that what is consistent in people is only what is wrong with them.
Being nice to others happens only when we are at peace with ourselves. It is a conscious effort, one that comes when we are calm, fine, happy. But when we are disturbed, irritated or even bored do we really smile at the idiot who we barely know? Have the patience to listen to a fool jabber? Or even be grateful for the people who support us in our lives? No way. Our real characteristic of being rude, critical, sceptic and annoying makes it's way through. The real deal.
Now isn't that scary? Scary that our niceness is never consistent but our darkness is? Scary that someone who smiles at you today may not tomorrow but the guy who taunts you today will for sure snicker at you tomorrow? That the pleasure he gets from the smile hardly matches the lack of effort and pleasure from the taunt?
Makes me shudder. Probably the reason why I cannot give up on people. Albeit a small number of them but I can't give up on those ones in my small world. The ones I love and the ones I believe I can crack. The reason? Even if our darkness is the only consistency (so to speak) it is there for a reason. Every bitter, pessimistic and sadist person can change if he undoes the reason why he is so. If he tastes a breath of fresh air, if he touches a mark of purity, if he sees the sunlight from his dark interiors he will for sure be drawn to it.
So those who I wont give up on, if you are worth it, even with all the crap that comes my way, and all the fluctuation, the hurt, the unexpected (or rather now expected) sourness, my faith remains.
There is a reason why I still hope. True if you go too far I may lose it (your fate) but that's the risk I am willing to take. Because I cannot live in a world where Fatass is right!
hey!
ReplyDeletei totally agree to what you'v said here.. in class that day, we were just talking about the same things..
people say that man is born innocent.. thats so not true i realised! its exactly the contrary.. look at a child for instance.. the morals, the virtues the right things to do in life need to be TAUGHT to the child.. but what about the nasty, mechant behaviour? the child come prepared with ammunition already.. we always say, 'dont do this, dont do that!'.. we never learn to be 'civil' in the womb.. never! we need to be taught to leave the darkness as much as we can to live in the way we are supposed to..
but sadly, the darkness never leaves us.. we always find it in some form or the other.. we are like trees.. pulles towards the darkness to satan while we try to reach the light of transcendence.. duality we could say..
just like in the universe, there's a proportion of the the dark and light within ourselves.. its unfathomable and indispensable.. noone can be pure white or pure black.. we all are grey.. what really jumps out is the 'shade' of grey.. the concentration of black and white..
and then again you are right.. the grey changes color.. it could get darker or lighter depending or circumstances or all the things that you mentioned above..
and to my experience, i'v seen that the shade changes only when something inside the individual shifts.. nothing one says can affect anything.. its gotta come from inside.. the light needs to destroy the darkness inside.. illumination should come from within.. its like drugs.. an addict will only ask for help if he realizes himself..
in my case, i dont hope.. i can do the deeds, but i dont hope.. i have the drive, but without hope.. hope kills.. i know that from a lot of experiences..
in any case, man is a barbarian.. nothing can change that.. thats where the need for order everywhere comes.. if there was no 'JUSTICE' or 'ORDER' as defined by man, there would be chaos.. brut liberty will leave no difference in animal instinct and that of man..
well anyway, i think you'v put in really well what you wanted to say.. the repeated and insisting questions had me thinking.. :D
OMG! monica..Your passion really comes out of this and though i dont agree to the point of view, i concede some of the things you said are true. Like our being nice to others only when we are in good mood..which is absolutely true. But the point that the only negative aspect of the person remains unchanged is very subjective. I agree with Vaidehi that you can only change when you yourself feel the want to.
ReplyDeleteOverall a good read..makes you think
Hey Vaidehi.. yes absolutely.. u need to 'teach' the good where as the bad for some reason is just 'in born' u can say..
ReplyDeleteand yes we hav had the debate of moralistic values in society needed to keep at bay the animalistic instincts which in our society cud prove to 'seem' barbaric! (different issue :P)
Shades of grey is well described :)
As for hope, well we all have our weaknesses, ;) and the point is to know who you can hope from and if it's worth it! and i am a sucker anyway!!
And Swagata, my very point is just that. i do not want to believe that what remains unchanged is the negativity, even tho there are a number of instances, even within myself that prove so. but the bottom line is if i know that i myself can change for the better i m sure there r others in my radius frm whom i can hope the same. bcoz not hoping wud crush me.
And to both, yes the illumination has to,for sure,come from within. no read, or advice or anything can alter that ever. wich is agn part of my point. very rarely do humans take that kind of effort bcoz after all we are all comfy in our own skin however dirty it may be! it takes great pains and efforts to clean the shit, but my faith is that we all hav the potential to and some day will :)
Oh and thanks!! :)
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