I was having a conversation the other day, on our terrace, with Scrawny and Fatass. We were deep in discussion about how aggressive the rickshaw guys were getting these days, not to mention snooty and irritating. Many people get into arguments with them, probably even physical fights. The topic then moved to discussing how physically aggressive each of us has ever been. At that point Scrawny says “…the day I resort to physical aggression I will consider it an insult to my mind...” I think that was a remarkable line that he happened to construct.Most of us resort to physical display of anger simply out of pure frustration that mentally we are unable to do anything about. It goes for all of us. Only thing that differs is the degree to which each of us can handle mental helplessness, or how 'in'capable each of our minds are. Some people can coolly deal with some situations while others can’t. That then brought me to wonder that even though most of us resort to physical aggression does that mean we are mentally incapable?! (The very idea scared me. I simply cannot believe that my mind is incapable of something!) And yet like any other individual I resort to throwing things once in a while.
Then I realized that, the time when I felt like resorting to any physical display of aggression the most dominant emotion was anger or frustration. And at that point my mind probably does become incapable. The dominance of any negative emotion (or even positive for that matter, the amount people jump about or over react when excited!) creates a sort of temporary defunct of the mind.
I hate to be vulnerable or mentally weakened, when it can be taken advantage of. I like to know that I am in control of situations even if their creation was not my doing. I am sure all of us do. So the sudden realization (actually it’s something my mom has been ranting for years!) hit me. I realized that by resorting to physical reaction you actually reduce yourself to a very primitive level that probably barbarians or tribals or our very old ancestors resorted to. Is it really something I would like to do? The answer almost screamed at me – Of course not!
I do want to be physically able though, so that when someone attacks, I can kickass! (Cheers my martial arts!) That is kind of a must for every woman who is interested to build an independent life for herself. Every woman needs to know how to defend herself so that she can confidently walk wherever she wants whenever she needs to (doesn’t mean at 2am, but you get my point).
But other than knowing how to defend yourself, physical aggression needs to be limited. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The very first thing I learnt when I was being trained how to fight was – “The art of knowing how to fight is to know when to avoid one”. Not because you are a coward but because if it cannot be fought by the brain it is not worth fighting at all. Then again for women and girls who face perverts that will grab and squeeze, or rub themselves against you, stare like you were X-rayed, for God-knows what sick pleasure, its kick-ass-face-crotch. Disfigure and disable will be my dying statement.
Ahhh got a little aggravated there myself, can’t help it, the little feminist that fights all these audacities everyday needed a word! But physical aggression is just as my friend Scrawny put it – An insult to the mind. The mind; its intelligence, common sense, presence of mind and spontaneity are what need to be worked on. Instead of jumping to anger or fear when agitated, think straight. Think calm. (I know it sounds damn difficult. Have been working on it since forever!) But when I was suddenly enlightened at the idea that it points to my intelligence it shook me. Becoming mentally inferior is simply unacceptable for me! :) Might be an ego or whatever but anything that points me in the direction to being stable, to use wit and common sense rather than punching somebody’s face (though immensely satisfying at first) only degrades my very existence.
So as of my revelation I have sworn to keep physically calm and serene. As another friend described himself, “I am a mind warrior”. Mind power over physical power. I will – What the hell is the matter with my net connection? Shit! It’s not responding! I just spent so much time typing! Bloody feel like throwi—Ooopss... Ah well, try try until you succeed!:)
LOL...!! extremely well balanced between comic and serious.. its difficult considering you were talking about some pretty serious bordering almost on psychology..
ReplyDeleteSUPERB!
The way u end the story is awesome gr8 thinking carry on the good work njoy
ReplyDeleteThat's very interesting Monica, it reminds me of this conversation I had with a friend recently. We were discussion Existentialism. I'm not too sure how aware you are with this wonderfully depressing philosophy but a part of it talks about how society is obsessed with rationality and acting based on rational thoughts( To stay calm in an aggravating situation etc)but it asks us the question is that really better? Why as humans are we so afraid of reacting to things? Why do we need a reason to ascertain what we feel? Why do we need reason to express our feelings, whether it be by crumpling a piece of paper or throwing something across the room?
ReplyDeleteJust a thought. :)
Sharanya, well I went thru wat I could find of existentialism and got bored so I didnt really reach the part that u are talking abt :) But on the same note though, I am in no way suggesting that we become obsessed with rationality or that we mustn't react at all. Nor am I saying we need to justify our evry action. That is ridiculous not to mention impossible in itself. Most of the time we have no idea why we reacted in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI am suggesting a more intellectual reaction :) Physical aggression causes adverse implications to our one reaction and that too one taken at a 'lower state of mind'. Then again if one feels that physical aggression or reaction is justified and they are benefiting from it then they must continue. I found I wasn't. And anything which is harming my very existence,either mentally, physically or spiritually is one that i need to abstain from. Other than that it is each man to his own end :)
Vaidehi and Rakesh - :)
ReplyDeleteYes it is quite a dry topic unless read in literature! :) If you are even interested there are many great existential writers (some might actually surprise you).
ReplyDeleteI see your point, however, I wonder why you believe that an intellectual reaction is more correct than a physical one (unless I misunderstood :S)? Thoughts?
Sure I could give it a read.. Send it across if you don't mind..
ReplyDeleteWell, according to me an intellectual reaction is more complete bcoz it is well thought of and is by far more satisfying during the after thought. Physical aggression needs to be resorted to in certain situations but in many we simply jump to it as we are blinded by some emotion.
To be more specific I believe an intellectual reaction, or response rather, must be given when you are in conflict with someone else. Meaning not just you alone in a helpless situation but when you are face to face with another human being, like an argument.. In such situations the person who resorts to a physical aggression is probably one who has given up otherwise and finds no other means of satisfying his anger.
And most importantly slapping someone in the face when they provoke you satisfies them, they get their attention and they realize that they have 'gotten' to you. When you argue with someone and you watch that what you say aggravates the other person it gives you satisfaction coz you know you are winning. Right? Same thing...
Haha well if you are in for some heavy literature I'd recommend Kafka, his books are excellent examples of existentialist philosophy (and they are also utterly depressing... consider yourself warned)but frankly, despite the depression associated with his books he was an excellent writer! Books on existentialism more pertaining to this blog posts are The Stranger by Camus and Notes from the Underground by Dostoyevsky. Both are excellent books! Give them a go first before you dive into Kafka.
ReplyDeleteHmm I think that thinking causes people to be coward and not stand up for themselves. When you think you bring more of what society expects you to do into the picture and it skews right from wrong. And most of the times intellectual decisions concur with society. Now I'm not recommending throwing punches at everyone who makes you mad. I'm saying an intellectual reaction is not always the right one. In fact why not an emotional response? If something upsets you, instead of telling yourself "I'm going to deal with this later and deal with it by myself" why not talk to the person about it,cry if necessary. It'll be a lot easier to trust people... there would not be any taboo topics, it will be OK to talk openly about religion, politics, and ethics on a dinner table.
Not at all.. standing up to yourself and physical aggression have no relation.. u can stand up to yourself verbally too.. and giving an intellectual reponse is in no way something I am suggesting to comply with any rules of the society.. I am saying it from a very personal and individualistic sense. I do not really care for societal standards because they have been set by someone else for something else and lord knows why we still comply.
ReplyDeleteyes you have hit an important factor of trust but believe me when you are vulnerable and emotional you either really 'need' to trust someone to satisfy your momentary insecurity or because you know you are vulnerable you choose not to trust. Either is dangerous. Yes it would be easier if we could simply let go and trust people but unfotunately this society has proved otherwise.
oh but can you stand up for yourself if you are using an "intellectual response." What are you basing this response off of? What do you say to yourself. Is it based off of what you believe is right or wrong? Where does this belief stem from? Where does this idea of, for a lack of a better word, mature response come from? Isn't an intellectual response more likely to be affected by societal norms than an irrational response?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't quite understand why you mean by saying when you are vulnerable you need to trust someone. That's an odd statement to make. When you are able to tell people about how you feel (however irrational) you are stating the truth to them, right after they presumably did something wrong. This decreases the chances of lying, friendships falling apart because of some unspoken issues, back biting and other various things that todays social society is plagued with. It's not about letting go and trusting people. It's about letting your pure, raw reaction show and consequently this leading to people trusting the reactions of others. Which may perhaps prove to be healthier.
No no.. u r mixing issues.. We r going a bit off here..
ReplyDeletebeing honest about what you feel and letting them know that is different from trusting someone.. in an outburst all your anger and true feelings is out on the surface which is what u r saying is a good thing and that ppl can know what u really feel. but many a times what we really feel isn't something u wanna tell the other person coz it could hurt them and u cud regret it later.
but assuming you don't and you are glad u got it off ur chest- that has nothing to do with the trust that i m talking abt. wen u r down in the dumps and someone acts as a shoulder to cry on, u pour ur heart out trusting that person, now that is where i say we become vulnerable.
Unspoken issues, back biting blah blah can b avoided by simply being honest but that honesty needn't come out only when angry. that honesty needs to be prevalent at all times in order to sustain a healthy relation with anyone.
And lastly, more importantly a verbal response or intellectual one can still be irrational, can still be emotional, can still be honest and real, it is simply not physical aggression. that is the core point, that i believe it is harmful bcoz u don't think straight. and as much as yelling without thinking also might b harmful the regret later is far less wen it comes to something u gave said rather than something u hav done.
Unfortunately I don't have the time at the moment to write a full response to your comment (which I will soon) however I just thought I'd point out that you cannot say an intellectual response is irrational. Intellect involves thinking which involved rationality.
ReplyDeletewell i m not too sure about that.. an intellectual reaction need not always be rational because it is spontaneous and is still a reaction after all not a well thought of response.. it is smart but could still be irrational.. rationality is more to do with practicality or being reasonable which need not be an intelligent response as such.. For e.g. a very common example...
ReplyDeleteWhen someone copies another person without too much thought and gets into trouble the most common (verbal) reaction made by people is "so if he jumps off a bridge will u too?"
Now even though that statement makes absolute sense bcoz it clearly implies that u mustn't blindly follow someone, yet agn the statement for itself is irrational as we all know that no one in his right mind wud end his life bcz someone else is. Survivoral instinct wud take over.
So though in the context the reaction is intellectual it isn't really a rational statement.
Are u getting my drift?
mmm I think you mean to say a sound reason v/s a reason. You can justify anything, it may not be the best justification but it's a reason nevertheless. Does that make sense? For example, the person who jumps off the bridge because someone else does has a reason it's "because someone else did" albeit an extremely stupid one. Despite what the universal acceptance of reasonable, a decision is rational the minute you put thought into it.
ReplyDeleteYup reason.. reasonable to you at that point. coz many a times something that seemed reasonable then seems stupid later :)
ReplyDeleteSo true! I haven't had time to catch up with your blog for a while...but when a person resorts to physical fights, its usually because there is nothing he can do to make the situation favour him.
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